Alone!!

I have never felt so lonely in my life!!! I have people around me all the time in my college but still i don't feel at home.. Like my four years in engg college was an important phase which brought a huge change in me and my perspective... looks like my time in the mba school has been and will be the second phase which will change me... Yes, I'll become a manager.. but who cares.. we have enough already!
Since a last few weeks, I have tried to understand myself.. my behaviour pattern... Why I act in certain ways... Its like I have joined a rehabilitation center where I have to curb my natural instincts because its wrong... I can understand how an addicted smoker feels when he/she tries to give it up!! Well if you thinking what my addiction is, either you can guess or you have to read the entire post and find if i have written it.
Coming back to my loneliness, the reason behind it is my incapability to share with someone what I have learnt about myself.. It feels like u r in a matrix where everything around is fake and has been created to dupe you... to make you feel worse.. its like standing at the crossing of the busiest street in the city at the peak hour and people passing by, some brushing past with a smile and some with a scorn on their fresh faces... but you don't know what the hell are you doing there because you don't know anyone out there!
I have retreated into my cocoon, thats my room... where i have my loneliness as my companion( main aur meri tanhai ).. but I enjoy this... It helps me get away from all the chaos and noise around me... the worst thing is my mood is controlled by my feelings and i cant fake it...
I am tired now... tired of myself... I want to change myself... I desperately need to.. and i'm looking for something now.. i need to rekindle certain things within me.. coz without them i have become a robot!